I’m doing a lot better. I have been strongly single now for four weeks. I’m proud of myself. I’m getting used to this. I still get sad sometimes but it doesn’t last for that long. I do still wish that he would end things with his girlfriend but then I think: what would that do for me? It’s not like we would get back together. I guess I just hope he would become his old self again when he’s not with her, but I can’t control that and I shouldn’t care. It’s not like he’s ever going to talk to me again anyways. We have nothing to say to each other anymore.
I guess things really have changed. Whenever I get sad I channel all my thoughts to the MCAT and getting into medical school or grad school. I like it because what I am doing is something that is solely for me. I can finally see myself graduating and moving on without him by my side. In the beginning that would have made me cry but now I like it. I feel so empowered sometimes, like I just don’t care at all anymore. That doesn’t mean though that I won’t do everything in my power to avoid seeing him or him and his girlfriend but still…. someday I’ll be able to walk by them and not be affected at all. Baby steps.
For now I’m pretty proud of myself.